May 24, 2008

A change in cravings

Posted in changing habits tagged , at 10:02 pm by foodaddict

The strangest thing has been happening over the past few weeks. I’ve stopped craving junk food. One night last week, I was tired and hungry, and I actually wanted to eat — gasp — a vegetable! Something inside me was craving a substantial, nutritious meal.

Where the hell did that come from?

A voice inside my head was telling me that ice cream would not make me feel any better. I heard it clear as a bell and I believed it. Amazing. Never happened before in my entire life.

The truth is, when I eat any dessert now, I usually only want half a portion. I haven’t succumbed to the siren call of a bag of cookies and a gallon of ice cream in quite a while. Maybe it’s partially because my stress level has gone down with the end of the school semester. Plus, I have a new, better-paying job on the horizon.

Of course, I do have urges to binge. Typically when I start eating too early in the day — like today, when I had a sandwich and a hot dog and ice cream at a Memorial Day picnic lunch — I just want to continue eating like an “eater” when dinnertime rolls around. But I feel confident that I can spend a little extra time at the gym tomorrow and work off the holiday excess.

The good news is, I’ve stopped losing weight. I didn’t want this to turn into anorexia, and I seem to have found a happy medium where I do eat foods I like (just not three times a day, as an eater would), yet I don’t feel “fat”. On the down side, I’m not pleased that I’ve gotten into the habit of weighing myself every morning. That was not supposed to be the point of this change in lifestyle. The point was to change my lifelong unhealthy eating habits, stop binging and stop feeling so out of control. The weight loss was just a fortunate side effect. Nevertheless, I do feel this secret guilty pleasure knowing that I’ve lost 10 pounds over the last few months. How clichéd can you get?

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