September 9, 2008

My little grey cells

Posted in general dissatisfaction tagged , , at 2:00 am by foodaddict

Eventually, I think we all go mad, from staring at walls too long. For most people the body gives out before the mind… but some of us just succumb to the madness too soon. We let the little shadows flitting across the brain take root, grow and flourish.

And who can we blame, really? The mothers who didn’t love us enough? The fathers who never gave us tools to fight back against the world? Or our own neurons, teaching themselves like an orchestra without a conductor to continually play movement 3, adagio in B flat minor, over and over.

But they are so innocent, these tiny cells. They don’t know that they’re the cause of our agony. How could you possibly find fault with them? They are wondrous little angel gumdrops, an electrochemical repository of all our memories. A lifetime stored in gelatin. I cannot hate them.

August 12, 2008

My head = black hole

Posted in general dissatisfaction tagged , , , at 11:21 pm by foodaddict

My head is not doing too well right now.

Started a new job last month. I can’t eat my “special” food any more because it makes me pass too much gas in the office and people comment about it. So I eat shit and have started gaining weight.

It sucks to work all day and then go to grad school at night. And there is no end in sight to that lifestyle. I have at least another year and four months.

It seems like working has no point, either. My husband is incredibly lethargic about the remote possibility of looking for a house. He is extremely pessimistic about that and his pessimism has rubbed off on me. I told him if I have to stay in our shithole neighborhood indefinitely, I might as well kill myself. But unfortunately I can’t really kill myself while he and my parents are still alive. So where does that leave me?