May 24, 2008

A change in cravings

Posted in changing habits tagged , at 10:02 pm by foodaddict

The strangest thing has been happening over the past few weeks. I’ve stopped craving junk food. One night last week, I was tired and hungry, and I actually wanted to eat — gasp — a vegetable! Something inside me was craving a substantial, nutritious meal.

Where the hell did that come from?

A voice inside my head was telling me that ice cream would not make me feel any better. I heard it clear as a bell and I believed it. Amazing. Never happened before in my entire life.

The truth is, when I eat any dessert now, I usually only want half a portion. I haven’t succumbed to the siren call of a bag of cookies and a gallon of ice cream in quite a while. Maybe it’s partially because my stress level has gone down with the end of the school semester. Plus, I have a new, better-paying job on the horizon.

Of course, I do have urges to binge. Typically when I start eating too early in the day — like today, when I had a sandwich and a hot dog and ice cream at a Memorial Day picnic lunch — I just want to continue eating like an “eater” when dinnertime rolls around. But I feel confident that I can spend a little extra time at the gym tomorrow and work off the holiday excess.

The good news is, I’ve stopped losing weight. I didn’t want this to turn into anorexia, and I seem to have found a happy medium where I do eat foods I like (just not three times a day, as an eater would), yet I don’t feel “fat”. On the down side, I’m not pleased that I’ve gotten into the habit of weighing myself every morning. That was not supposed to be the point of this change in lifestyle. The point was to change my lifelong unhealthy eating habits, stop binging and stop feeling so out of control. The weight loss was just a fortunate side effect. Nevertheless, I do feel this secret guilty pleasure knowing that I’ve lost 10 pounds over the last few months. How clichéd can you get?

May 9, 2008

Getting better (?)

Posted in managing food addiction tagged , at 9:55 am by foodaddict

I think I have this new not-eating thing down. I eat whenever I’m around people, whenever we have a meal together, I eat normally, and when I’m by myself, I can just forget about food, or just eat minimally.

The best part is, when I do eat, I can eat the foods I really enjoy, like cheese, or bread, and I don’t feel guilty about them. I even have dessert.

Most importantly, I haven’t binged at all in the past several weeks — mainly because I don’t keep my “trigger” foods in the house, not because of any newfound willpower. Also, I’m starting to master the art of only eating until I’m not hungry, rather than stuffing myself until I’m overfull.

Also, food is just less of a concern overall. I feel like not-eating has freed up my mind to concentrate on other things. I’m not always thinking about my next meal.

On top of all this, my doctor suggested a new treatment for my allergies, which is working wonders. I wake up in the morning not feeling like my head is full of cement, and I actually feel like doing things I’ve been putting off for months. Wow! I think the spring weather and sunshine may be helping my mood, too.

My only concern is that I don’t want to take this too far. I’ve reached a weight I’m comfortable with, and I’m happy with how I look. I don’t want to let this slide into anorexia….mainly because I don’t want people to start giving me a hard time with my weight loss. My mother has already made a comment that I’m almost “too” skinny. Then again, there’s no pleasing one’s mother, is there? 😉