April 26, 2008
Quote of the day
“The thin person inside me finally got out — it just turned out she was actually a fat person. ”
Am I that way? I am I putting my life on hold until I’m thin? No, not completely. It’s not even that I care so much about my weight. Yes, I could stand to lose 20 pounds. But it’s more than that. I just hate the feeling of being out of control and stuffing food in my mouth for reasons other than hunger. I hate being overstuffed, I hate nearly passing out after a sugar high. I just know something is wrong with that behavior. It’s more like, I feel like most of my life is so out of control, and eating is one part of it. Deep down, I want to live this highly regimented life, where I go to bed at the same time every night, I wake up at the same time every morning, and I exercise every day, and where there’s not so much uncertainty about the future, and I am more productive and my career is moving ahead and I’m making more money and I’m not feeling like I’m stagnating. Partly, I just have no clue about how to function in the outside world, I have no idea how to make connections with people, so I get crazy about things I can control in my little world, like food.