Snowballs and stomach knots

April 6, 2008

Snowballs and stomach knots

Eating badly definitely has a snowball effect for me. One slip (tonight, chocolate and nuts) just leaves me wanting more and more, with no end in sight. Fortunately, sleepiness is taking right now and I’ve stopped.

Why, why do I eat when I’m not hungry? Tonight, generalized anxiety about grad school work. I’ve done zero studying for the past three days. Now it’s 11:00 on a Saturday night and Sunday is staring me in the face — that’s the only day where I can count on spending a few solid hours at the library. Major knot in the stomach. Why?

• I have no estimate of how long different projects will take me, and yet I have a limited amount of time to finish them. How long is it going to take me through 3 chapters of a textbook? I have no fucking idea. How long will it take me to finish this project? No clue. Hence, the amount of work seems limitless. I haven’t quantified it. It is an amorphous cloud hanging over me. It’s a seemingly insurmountable pile. And, not surprisingly, I have no confidence that I’ll get through it.

In summary, my mind is telling me that I have an infinite amount of work to squeeze into a very finite amount of time — 8 hours, to be exact. JESUS CHRIST, it’s no wonder I’m anxious and eating!

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